The Whole View, Season 3, Episode 69: Compare and Despair w/ Nina Manolson

Welcome back fan-favorite Nina Manolson to The Whole View! Stacy and Nina discuss the concept of “compare and despair” and learning to leave judgement at the door and lean into self-compassion. Nina gives us her five-step plan to break this cycle and reminds us that our output does not define our worth.

Find Nina:

• Website
• Instagram
• Facebook
• YouTube

You can also get Nina’s Body-Peace® App and Journal, and find free resources here. Also, stay-tuned for her Compassionate Eating Course coming up this fall!

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Key Takeaways

Introductions

• Nina is a Body-Peace® coach and returning guest to The Whole View. You can also find her on Episodes 10: Body Peace and Redefining Beauty, 41: New Years’ Resolutions, and 53: Why Selfish Isn’t a Four-Letter Word
• Her impressive credentials include:
  • Masters Degree: Clinical Mental Health Counseling and Psychology – Lesley University
  • Certified Holistic Health Coach – Institute for Integrative Nutrition
  • Nationally Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC)
  • Certified Psychology of Eating Coach and Teacher – Institute for the Psychology of Eating
  • Integrative Nutrition Health and Leadership Award recipient
  • Certified Body-Trust® Provider
• Additionally, she brings her 30 years experience as a therapist, Nationally Board Certified Health & Wellness Coach, Body-Trust® Guide and Psychology of Eating Teacher to helping women create a respectful and trusting relationship with their food and body. She helps people end the war and feel truly at home in their body.

Compare and Despair

• Compare and Despair weaves through everything, especially for women. We say women – really, we mean any femme identifying people, and really all marginalized groups – we all have imposter syndrome, which is rooted in compare and despair. When we compare ourselves to others, we are upholding that original value system – all rooted in patriarchal white supremacy capitalist ableist standards. Meaning, our comparison is reinforcing to our brain that the belief set by society is correct – that it’s the goal for us all.
• Nina tells the story of where the phrase “compare and despair” came from for her. Once this oppressive, painful, toxic patten had a name, it became tmore tangible.
• Compare and Despair is very much ingrained, there is a cultural idea of a standard of excellence – academically, career ladders, beauty ideals, money, and aging.
• Stacy and Nina also discuss disability and ableism in relationship to this concept. A lot of women see their worth as their output. So when you add in healthism, the judgement becomes turns into, if your worth is your output and your health impacts your output, are you then not valuable without that?

Next Steps

• It’s a never-ending cycling. When you want to change:
  • 1) Have awareness
  • 2) Get curious
  • 3) Develop a new script
  • 4) Interrupt the pattern
  • 5) Develop a self-compassion practice
• Nina encourages us to look under the hood of the comparison. What are the dynamics? So once we have the awareness, we want to get curious to know what is the message within compare and despair. Don’t take it at face value.
• You don’t have to just say “I’m not buying into this comparison thing, so I’m no longer going to take care of myself.” That’s not it at all. Rather, divest from making yourself feel bad.

Studies, References & Products

• The Whole View Season 3, Episodes:
  • 24: Toxic Beauty Standards w/ Ky Washington
  • 30: Understanding Abelism w/ Imani Barbarin
  • 43: Imposter Syndrom w/ Cathy Heller
• The Whole View, Ep 481: Attention Deficit Disorders & ADHD in Relationships
• Disability is Natural: Comparison, The Thief of Joy
• The Hollywood Reporter: ‘The Bear’ Star Lionel Boyce on Working With Will Poulter, Ramy Youssef and Not Taking the “Safe Route” for Season 2
• Men’s Health: Will Poulter Trades His Adam Warlock Cape for an Apron in The Bear Season 2
• Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
• Kristin Neff, Ph.D.
• Christopher Germer, Ph.D.
• Nina’s Body-Peace® App and Journal, and find free resources here. Also, stay-tuned for her Compassionate Eating Course coming up this fall!

Sponsors

• Indeed.com/WHOLEVIEW | Get a $75 sponsored job credit
• JustThriveHealth.com/discount/wholeview | Use code WHOLEVIEW to get 15% off
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