Rapid Weightloss: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

It took a lot of guts to put these images out there.

I mean, I don’t so much care about the strangers – in fact, I’m more than happy to provide inspiration.  But, it’s the friends, colleagues and family that I know have seen me at my ultimate “low” that keeps me awake some nights.

Yes, I unfortunately said “keeps” rather than “kept.”  As much as losing 116lbs should be a huge relief and cathartic (and it was, my post on What It Feels Like to Lose 100lbs wasn’t all bologna), it’s also filled with pressure and completely overwhelming.  I look at the “after” photos and see the 60lbs I still want to lose, rather than the 116 that I’ve conquered in less than a year.  I literally look in the mirror and still see the old Stacy.  I look at pictures of myself and either a) don’t recognize myself or b) can’t see a difference from before the weight loss.  My brain quite literally has not caught up to the physical transformation you see above.

When I accidentally see a reflection of myself, I don’t realize it’s me.

If I know I’m looking at a mirror, then I see someone over 100lbs heavier and am mortified with my appearance.  There’s a term for what I have: Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Having grown up with a variety of eating disorders, I can’t say I’m surprised that my brain has transferred my mental issues with food onto my body now that I’m comfortable with food and eating habits.

I’m lucky enough to have a support system to support me and remind me how wonderful I feel and look.  My lovely husband, who is becoming a svelte beefcake by the minute, is infinitely wonderful in telling me that even if I don’t lose another pound I’ve done amazing things for my health and should feel proud and happy with where I am physically.  He forces me to look at myself realistically, he points to my empty closet to prove a simple point about inches being lost.

I hope that no matter what your weight loss and health goals, you face them head-on and with honesty.  Without the ability to realize where problems exist, those that love you can’t possibly help you achieve them.  This post is just a reminder that even with the very best of success stories, each person has their own personal struggles which must be overcome.

Best of luck to you on your personal journey.

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